Well, actually, of course you can hurt me. But I'll be covered for it!
After many grueling trips to consult the old trolls at the Securité Sociale office near my house, I've finally completed my dossier and should soon have the coveted carte vitale, that little green card, the key to medical coverage in France, that everyone but me has here.
I've been to the Secu office approximately 5 times to ask the same question. How do I proceed to enroll myself in the system after finding a job? Before being an employee, I was just under Husband's social security and was partially covered for medical care. Now that I've got a job, I'm in it on my own and am good to go- once I've got my own file. Everytime I've gone in to inquire on the procedure, someone on the staff gives me a detailed explanation. Problem is, it's never the same one.
Trip #1 It was explained to me that I must get a job and then come back with a written work promise and complete the dossier before I start work. That evening, a friend of a friend said that sounded odd. This led me to...
Trip # 2 I must get a job, hand in my information after I start working and have my employer send in my work promise to another office.
Trips #3-5 Different variations on the first two explanations saying the same things but of course, with major contradictions.
And then there was the version that my employer gave me. You guessed it- not the same story, either.
But today, on receiving my first paycheck, I took the dreaded trip to the office of hell, armed with every document on my checklist, wondering what I'd do if I was told that I really did have to bring everything in before I started my job. I took a number sat in the waiting area as my chest constricted in tension (ironically, frequent trips here are bad for your health). The woman calling out the numbers barked at the unassuming victim in front of me.
"No, madame. This paperwork is not what we asked for! No, it's not done like that! You must come back with this and this!"
When it was my turn, she kindly directed me to another colleague for further assistance. "I'm not the one who handles this! You sit back down and wait for one of the booths to open!"
When one of the booths that line the office did open, a woman with a surprisingly kind demeanor called me over. In fact, while the other employees walked around on hooved feet, dragging their tails, I swear this woman had wings and a halo.
She actually smiled when she asked for my paperwork and even made photocopies of my payslip, which I'd forgotten to do. After a quick 2 minutes, she smiled again and said "C'est bon." And it was over. And I don't have to come back.
Soon I can go to the doctor, get get checked out, flash my little green card and magically be reimbursed. It's enough to make me want to become a hypochondriac.